Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"Anything for Chellinas" White Bean Chicken Chili

Take yourself back to 1997- Bill Clinton is inaugurated for his second term, Princess Dianna dies after a terrible car crash, I reached the horrible age of 13, and a virtually unknown girl from the Bronx starred in the hit movie "Selena". Ahh, those were the days. You may be asking yourself, "Chelle, what does this recipe have to do with Jenny from the block?". Well I'll tell you. You maybe remember a scene where a poor little Selena speaks with her father and they discuss how they need to be Mexican enough for the Mexicans, but white enough for us Gringos. Their tour bus breaks down and some dudes in a crazy hoop-dee recognize our heroine and repeat over and over, "Anything for Selenas!" Thus began the birth of tex-mex, chili, and the wonderful nickname that I've inherited from my boyfriend. So tune into VH1 Classic, Shake your Bidi Bidi Bom Bom, and if "I Could Fall in Love" with a recipe, it would be Anything for Chellinas Chili.

-1 pound cooked chicken (diced), or be smart and take the easy way out with a rotisserie chicken like me!
-1 large onion (diced)
-2 cloves garlic (finely chopped)
-32 oz. Chicken broth
-1 heaping tsp. cumin
-1 heaping tsp. dried oregano leaves
-1/2 tsp Sriracha (or other hot red pepper sauce)

-2, 15 oz. cans of Great Northern Beans (rinsed and drained)
-11oz. can of corn niblets
-3 T. Lime juice
-Cilantro to taste (Chopped)
-Tequila (not for the recipe, for drinking!)

1. Chop onions and cry a little bit, smear eye makeup all over your face. Pretend like you're strung out for a couple minutes and LOL in your kitchen. Heat a soup pot over M hear and drizzle with olive oil. Add onions and saute until brown.
2. Remove tequila from freezer. Contemplate taking a shot, decide that it's against your better judgement.
3. Once onions have browned, add garlic, salt & pepper, cumin, oregano, and Sriracha. Cook for 1 minute.
4. Annihilate rotisserie chicken while thinking about how terrible it was for J-Lo to star in Gigli. Add chicken, beans, and corn to onions.
5. Aggressively roll lime on counter to make it easier for juicing. I kid you not that I learned this trick from "The Baby Sitter's Club: Guide to Babysitting" when I was about 10 years old. You were supposed to roll an orange on the counter and with brute strength, shove a straw into the whole orange so that your "charges" (Baby Sitter's club slang- pick up a book by Ann M. Martin and catch up!), could enjoy some delicious fresh OJ.

6. Add Chicken broth and juice of lime to Chili. Cover and simmer on L for 15-20 mins.
7. Notice salt, lime rind, and tequila sitting out from earlier...
8. Run and find wedding souvenir shot glass, fill with tequila. Lick hand and cover with salt. Lick salt, choke down tequila, and suck on that lime carcass like it's the last thing you'll ever taste.
9. Cringe
10. Let Jose Cuervo take over your soul.
11. Ay Carumba! La cucaracha! La Bamba! Ay ay ay ay! Ole!
12. Add chopped cilantro to chili and enjoy your new tex-mex way of life.